Thursday, June 03, 2010

Last of the whining summer

Is there any connection between the formation of our coalition Government and the news that Last of the Summer Wine is being axed after 37 years?

Maybe there is only room for one story about a likeable but dull character called Clegg being dominated by a slightly snobby military type and his Yorkshire-speaking sidekick.

The burning question now is how the BBC will bring the series to an end. Here are some ideas based on how other TV series concluded:

* They have been dead all along but, unable to accept it, have been forced to drink beer and reminisce in a sort of Yorkshire purgatory. Norah Batty is Gene Hunt the ferryman. The series ends with them all going to the pub, much like the previous 30 series.

* A ceasefire in Yorkshire is declared (they didn't like to talk about the war much) and Clegg is able to return to his native North Korea. As his helicopter takes off, he looks down and sees the word "tara" written in wheelie bins. A heartbreaking side story has Foggy devastated by the massacre of a colliery band he had been teaching.

* After spending many years in a pub, Clegg decides to emigrate to the other side of the country (Lancashire) and become a radio psychiatrist.

* The trio are ordered to slide down a really steep hill in a bath. Clegg admits that he is scared and just before they go Compo reveals that he has a cunning plan to get out of it, but we never find out what the plan was. As they go over the top of the hill, the action slows and then fades to a field of poppies.

* Holmfirth gets its first Latino antiques shop owner and Seymour is able to retire. His last act is to forgive Wally for telling the press about the secret military bathtub. Compo and Norah Batty finally get it together on the eve of the parish council elections.

Peter Sallis is 89. Thought you might want to know that.

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