Wednesday, March 09, 2011

40 days in the slenderness

To church this morning for the daubing of the ashes on the forehead and the start of my annual month and a half of attempted self-improvement and inevitable self-loathing.

Each year, I try to lose weight during Lent by cutting out all those things that are yummy: cheese, curry, beer, Belgian chocolate-coated toffee popcorn from M&S and so on. Normally I last three weeks before, chuffed at losing a couple of pounds, I go on a chocolate bender and put it all back on. Not this year.

I now have more incentive really to make an effort to lose weight and keep it off, not least a four-month-old daughter and a rather snazzy new purple velvet jacket that I bought on a whim but cannot do up. I also went for a medical check-up recently and while my cholesterol level is astoundingly low for someone with the fat content of a pork scratching, I have nudged up to the 19 stone barrier and this clearly has to stop.

I don't like being a fatty. It makes me depressed a lot of the time (a feeling that I soothe by eating, unhelpfully) and I often wonder whether I'd be treated with more professional respect if I were slimmer. People tend to like chubbies but they rarely take them seriously. You are seen as ill-disciplined and slovenly, although I in return don't trust anyone with a micro-waist. They are clearly freaks.

I don't believe Kate Moss when she says that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. She has clearly never tried Cornish Cruncher with balsamic pickled onions or the Duchy Originals chocolate-coated orange peel. But she has a point. Being thinner would make me more happy.

So, to try and find some discipline where none has previously existed, I intend to open myself up to ridicule and maybe encouragement by posting my diet efforts publicly on this blog. I started this morning at exactly 19st (just over 120kg) and hope by losing 2lb a week to shed a stone by Easter. I'll update readers here every weekend, hopefully without getting too boring about it.

All your support, abuse or tips very welcome.

10 comments:

BenS said...

Support? Not sure if I have anything strong enough to prop up 19 stones mate.

Abuse? I don't need to - you bought a purple velvet blazer for goodness sake....anyone wearing one of those is clearly self-abusing.

Tips? Buy a bike and use it.

Paddy said...

Self-abuse, eh? Yes, that could be the solution...

Angus Donald said...

Take more exercise – golf, I hear, is particularly good for losing weight!

Paddy said...

Golf isn't the problem, especially if you let me beat you. It's the pints of beer and plates of nachos afterwards! But point taken, when shall we play? Next week?

David said...

Good luck, getting a bike is good advice, cycle to and from work and you can eat what you like.

Paddy said...

Thanks David. The bike advice is sensible.

SouthernWaratah said...

120 Kegs Paddy, man that's officially a blow out... Yep get a mountain bike and go nuts.. or move to Sydney enjoy the better weather, write for the Australian newspaper and we'll have you in tip top shape in no time running around the harbor and the beaches... oh and getting fit might actually help you get a run at cricket....

"Go hard or go home"

Paddy said...

Getting fit will never make up for a lack of cricketing technique, Waratah.... but point noted

Mrs Wyld said...

Fancy a KFC?

Paddy said...

You vile temptress, Mrs Wyld. Although now you mention it. Mmmmm, chicken skin...