Cameron taking diplomacy tips from Prince Philip

Barely a day goes past without David Cameron being accused of making a fresh foreign policy gaffe. First there was the one about America being involved in the Second World War in 1940 (a more heinous error than any, I feel, given that he has a first in history from Oxford); then there was the comment about Gaza being a prison camp and the one about Pakistan exporting terror and, most recently, telling everyone that Iran has a nuclear bomb.

I'm only disappointed that he hasn't yet had a pop at the French.

Or, indeed, that while he was criticising the Pakistan security services for their failure to quash terrorism, he did not also mention the money given by Americans to fund the IRA. In any case, the Pakistan gaffe now seems irrelevant in the light of the tragic flooding that has killed so many in their country.

But now, the Daily Mash has revealed the reason: Cameron has been taking advice from Prince Philip on how to speak to foreigners.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "Shortly after taking office, the Prime Minister was briefed by the Duke of Edinburgh on the four basic, untrustworthy foreign types: dagoes, golliwogs, slitty-eyed devils and what His Royal Highness called the 'Olive-Skinned Fez Brigade'. The Prime Minister was given a bullet-point rundown on the key characteristics of each one, including thievery, violence, general laziness and surly ingratitude."

(Unnecessary taste rider: The Daily Mash is a British version of The Onion that satirises the news, often more miss than hit. Any humour expressed is at the expense of the PM and the DoE, rather than mocking foreigners. Except the French.)