Have a heart

Oh dear. A primary school in Somerset has banned pupils from exchanging Valentine's cards this year because the poor mites could end up with broken hearts.

The head teacher said that the pre-teens are not emotionally mature enough to deal with having relationships. Being dumped, he says, could affect their studies and any cards he finds will be confiscated.

I would have thought that falling in love is far more damaging at secondary school, what with raging hormones and suicidal urges and the risk of pregnancy and all that, but if this misery-guts wants to ban a few harmless cards then so be it. I bet he can't stop kids playing kiss-chase and developing crushes in the playground, though.

I had my heart broken at primary school. I "went out" with a girl for a few months, which I think involved holding hands and little else, and then she dumped me. Or rather she got one of her friends to tell me I was dumped. I remember blubbing in the toilets all lunch and most of the afternoon.

Eventually, I got over it. The girl didn't, though. She died of leukaemia a few years later. Probably more cruel luck than divine vengeance. True story.

Anyway, St Valentine's Day is on a Sunday this year. Why couldn't he just ban the exchange of cards on the grounds that this silly festival should be for one day only?