Decision day

Off to vote shortly. But for whom?

In general terms, the Conservatives have won me over. I think David Cameron would be the best prime minister of the options on offer. William Hague would be the best foreign secretary. Ken Clarke would be best at business (and best as Chancellor but Boy George has that sewn up), Michael Gove the best at education, Jeremy Hunt at culture, Liam Fox at defence (the last slightly by default). No one has a better option for Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster than Francis Maude.

And as for the economy, health, transport, home affairs... well they aren't really important issues, are they?

The trouble is that I think that an MP, as my representative (not, please, my servant), should be worth supporting for his own merits and I am not sure that my local Tory candidate is that impressive.

As well as his election literature being vague, bland and undetailed, he also seems to have a tenuous relationship with the English language. His website says that he "advises Local Council's". The capital letters are bad enough, the apostrophe unforgiveable. And then there is the policy section: he will stand up for "common sence", apparently. Sigh...

Not that the party as a whole is innocent of assaults on our language. There is the countrywide poster pledging national service for "16 year-olds". What, only 16 of them? And how good would infants be at national service?

Hmm, maybe Gove has a tougher job at education than I thought.

So if not our local Tory, who do I support? The Lib Dems have tried hardest here - they even brought Nick Clegg to our village on Monday - and their candidate seems a decent fellow, although he overuses the exclamation mark in his election literature. I don't agree with his policies but as this is a Labour stronghold, should I not just register a protest vote?

As for our Labour candidate, she is called Heidi but makes no mention in her literature of having spent her childhood living up a mountain with her grandfather. Can we really trust her on anything else?

Ho hum, decisions decisions...